Unknown

Sometimes, this feeling comes over me. Overwhelming like I assume waves in a stormy ocean would be. The feeling ebbs and flows, slightly changing with each movement. It starts out as sadness although no tears come to relieve some of the pressure. The waves come crashing to the shore of my soul, picking up longing with it, barreling to the ocean of my mind. It mingles with the thoughts of loss and loneliness. What’s wrong with me? Why am I so disposable to the people I call friends? I see that I am only here when they have no one else to lay their problems and worries on. It’s like I’m floating in the vast, angry ocean until someone is also close to drowning. They pull me to shore with their need and then walk away, leaving me to be sucked back in the turbulent waters of my own life. Does no one see that I am also lost and struggling? I tell them, I say the words but all I hear is how strong I am, how I can survive anything, that I’ve been through worse. Regardless, even I need a hand sometimes, a hand to help me find my way back to the shore of calmness. This cycle is one of false hope and abandonment, and I allow it, for I cannot just watch my friends suffer without helping them.