Benzo hell

Navigating benzodiazepine withdrawal is an excruciating journey, a descent into a personal abyss where pain becomes a relentless companion. Every cell in your body seems to rebel, a symphony of torment orchestrated by a substance prescribed for relief. The physical toll is relentless. Nausea grips you like a vice, a constant reminder that even the…

The pill

I had my first panic attack 39 years ago. I was 5 years older off and it was the start of a life of terror and suffering. To make my background short and sweet: My father went to prison for drugs and assault when my mother was pregnant with me. She ended up marrying the…

Child of Sorrow

From birth, a curse, a shadow's grim embrace, Upon my soul, a haunting, endless chase. Innocence lost in life's relentless mire, A fate foretold, a never-ending fire. I am the child of sorrow, marked by fate, In darkest hours, I often contemplate. A destiny of pain, I can't escape, This heavy burden, mine alone to…

Crown

In shadows deep, my soul does dwell, A well of doubt where darkness swells. A feeling, heavy, like a leaden heart, A sense of worthlessness tears me apart. In whispers cold, the voices creep, They sow their seeds, my confidence they reap. An echo chamber of self-contempt, A constant battle, never exempt. Is there a…

Doomed

In shadows deep, my soul resides, Where darkness reigns, and hope subsides. A haunting specter deep within, Whispers of flaws, an internal din. A core belief, a constant plight, That I'm defective, not quite right. In hidden corners, it does dwell, This gnawing sense of worth expelled. A ceaseless ache, an inner void, Where self-worth's…

Discomfort of body

Today I allowed my son to take a candid photo of me for the first time in years. We were out at a beautiful lake fishing (we catch and release only) and I caught a beautiful large mouth bass. Later when he sent me the pictures he took of me holding my favorite catch of…

What's the oldest things you're wearing today? Hmmm, I would have to say my skin and my hair are the oldest things I am wearing today 😂

Navigating The Dark Night of the Soul

I feel like I have been going through this for the better part of the last two years. I have lost myself many times over the course of these months but have fortunate to also find parts of myself that I thought I lost forever. I even found parts of myself that I never knew…

Broken

For the majority of my life, I wandered around in a fog, I always felt like I was broken, beyond repair. That I unlovable and always a heartbeat away from being abandoned by those I cared about. I realize now that I never really knew what it was like to be truly broken. That is,…

Melancholy

I’m in this never ending cycle of physical and emotional pain. The only relief I find is in my sleep, stuttered with horrid nightmares that feel all too real. I wake with a start, heart racing with adrenaline, mind spinning with the images in my dreams. Jaw clenched and teeth aching. I greet my dog…